Longing for a Child

The Catholic Perspective on In Vitro Fertilization

Infertility is one of the most painful crosses a married couple can bear. The longing to hold a child in one’s arms, to raise a family, and to experience the joys of parenthood is deeply ingrained in the human heart. So when science offers a solution—like in vitro fertilization (IVF)—it’s understandable why many couples would consider it.

But as I’ve deepened my understanding of Catholic teaching, I’ve come to see that not all paths to parenthood are morally equal. Some methods uphold the dignity of marriage and human life, while others—despite their good intentions—go against God’s design. So why does the Church oppose IVF, even in extreme cases? And how should we respond to couples who feel abandoned because of this teaching?

The Church’s position on IVF isn’t about being rigid or heartless. It’s about protecting the dignity of human life, the sanctity of marriage, and the proper role of medical intervention.

The key Church documents that address IVF include:

• Catechism of the Catholic Church (1992) – Summarizes the Church’s moral teaching on procreation and medical interventions.

• Humanae Vitae (1968) – Emphasizes the inseparability of the procreative and unitive aspects of marriage.

• Donum Vitae (1987) – Directly addresses IVF, stating that it is morally illicit.

• Dignitas Personae (2008) – Updates the Church’s teaching in light of new reproductive technologies.

All of these reaffirm the same fundamental truth: conception should only occur through the loving union of husband and wife, and every human life—including embryos—must be treated with dignity.

At first glance, IVF seems like a simple medical solution to infertility. But looking deeper, several serious moral issues arise:

1. IVF Separates Procreation from the Marital Act

The Church teaches that the marital act has two inseparable meanings: the unitive (bonding of spouses) and the procreative (openness to life). IVF removes conception from this loving union and instead makes it a technical process in a laboratory.

• “The Church recognizes the legitimate aspirations of sterile couples. She also notes, however, that the desire for a child cannot justify the ‘production’ of offspring.” (Dignitas Personae, 16)

• “If the technical means facilitates the conjugal act or helps it to reach its natural objectives, it can be morally acceptable. If, on the other hand, the procedure replaces the conjugal act, it is morally illicit.” (Donum Vitae, II, B, 6)

2. IVF Leads to the Destruction of Embryos

One of the most troubling aspects of IVF is that many embryos are created, but only a few are implanted in the mother’s womb. The rest are either discarded, frozen indefinitely, or used for research. Since the Church teaches that life begins at conception, these embryos are already human beings who deserve dignity and protection.

• “It is not licit, even for the gravest reasons, to do evil so that good may follow therefrom.” (Humanae Vitae, 14)

• “The human being is to be respected and treated as a person from the moment of conception.” (Donum Vitae, I, 1)

• “The freezing of embryos is incompatible with the respect owed to human embryos, gravely wronging them by exposing them to the serious risk of death or harm.” (Dignitas Personae, 18)

3. IVF Treats Children as Products Rather Than Gifts

Every child should be seen as a gift from God, not as something that can be manufactured. The use of IVF, especially when involving donor sperm or eggs, risks turning the child into a “product” of human technology rather than a fruit of spousal love.

• “A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift. The ‘supreme gift of marriage’ is a human person.” (CCC 2378)

• “Man cannot attain that true happiness for which he yearns with all his being, unless he respects the laws inscribed in his nature by God.” (Humanae Vitae, 31)

4. The Use of Donor Gametes and Surrogacy Violates Marriage

When IVF involves a sperm donor, egg donor, or surrogate mother, it introduces a third party into the marriage. This disrupts the exclusive bond between husband and wife and can lead to identity struggles for the child.

• “The unity of marriage and the dignity of the procreation of the human person require that the child be conceived in marriage and from marriage.” (Donum Vitae, II, A, 1)

• “Techniques that entail the dissociation of husband and wife, by the intrusion of a person other than the couple (donation of sperm or ovum, surrogate uterus), are gravely immoral.” (CCC 2376)

One of the hardest aspects of this issue is walking with couples who genuinely desire children but feel rejected by the Church’s teaching. Some even leave the Church over this. If I were speaking with such a couple, I would say:

“I see your pain, and I do not dismiss it. The Church does not oppose your longing for a child—she opposes the means that violate the dignity of life and marriage. But you are not alone, and there are still paths forward.”

The Church encourages ethical alternatives:

Medical treatments that assist natural conception (e.g., NaProTechnology, hormonal therapy, or surgery to correct reproductive issues).
Adoption, which reflects God’s own love for us as His adopted children.

And above all, I would remind them:

“Your worth as a couple is not defined by whether or not you have children. Your love is still fruitful in many ways. Trust in God’s timing—His plans are always greater than ours.”

Some couples, despite these explanations, may still choose IVF. Some may even leave the Church over this teaching. This is painful, but it does not mean the Church abandons them.

Faith is a journey, and struggles with Church teachings are part of that journey. If someone walks away, my prayer is that they eventually find their way back—not out of guilt, but out of a deeper understanding of the wisdom behind these teachings. The Church will always welcome them home.

I don’t write this to condemn anyone but to share what I’ve learned as I continue growing in my faith. The Church’s teachings on life and marriage are not easy, but they are profoundly beautiful. They remind us that life is sacred, that love should be self-giving, and that even in suffering, God has a plan.

To those longing for a child: I see you. I pray for you. And I believe that even in this struggle, God is working something good.

References:

Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC),

Humanae Vitae (On the Regulation of Birth)

Donum Vitae (Instruction on Respect for Human Life in Its Origin and on the Dignity of Procreation)

Dignitas Personae (Instruction on Certain Bioethical Questions)

Conceived by Science: Thinking Carefully and Compassionately about Infertility and IVF

On IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) (The Dignity Series)

The case against IVF (with Stephanie Gray Connors)